Ginger In Memoriam
Moved from previous post:Update: Wednesday April 23, 2008
Well it is 12:25 pm and I just arrived back home about forty minutes ago and my heart is very saddened. I arrived at the hospital around 9:25 am and was put in a room where they would bring Ginger into me for a visit before seeing the Doctor. This was not the Doctor whom I was originally suppose to see as they called me to let me know she didn't come in due to illness.
One of the assistants brought Ginger in and placed her on the exam table. He carried her in in a blanket and she looked around the room checking it out I guess. Both her front legs had been partially shaved and on one she had a iv line that they used to give her medicine and other liquids when she had first been brought in.
She tried to scoot around the table as she seemed like she wasn't able to stand up. It may have been because the table is smooth and she just couldn't get her feet under her to stand without slipping.
I talked to her and stroked her while she looked as if she knew something was going on. I still hadn't made up my mind what I was going to do. She did not have a lot of energy and even though I had first thought to put her to sleep at the same time I was thinking that I should bring her home to die. I was torn between two choices and neither one was acceptable to me. So even though I knew which way I was leaning I was still unsure if it was the right decision.
Last night I gave a lot of thought about bringing her home to die. I thought about me being at work and her needing me and I wouldn't be there for her. The Doctor had said she may go in two days or even up to possibly two months. I wondered how she might pass on, in her sleep peacefully or suffocate due to not being able to breathe. Would she be in pain, discomfort or simply pass on.
These were the questions that haunted me all night and now while I waited to see the Doctor to possibly get the answers. When the Doctor came in she told me that Ginger still was not fully eating and of course I would have to give her medication twice a day. She informed me just like the other Doctor did about not being able to say how long she might have before her heart gave out. I ask her about the concerns I had which I stated above and she said that when it happened that she would not go in her sleep and it would be anything less than peaceful. It was then that I made a choice about what I should do.
I told her that it really didn't matter what I decided because I would feel guilty no matter what my decision was. I said that knowing I more than likely wouldn't be there for her when the time came that I felt it was better for Ginger if they put her to sleep. At least I could be there for her as she passed on rather than have her pass on alone.
The Doctor felt that I had made the right decision even though I still felt wrong about it. I could feel my heart breaking and while the Doctor went to get the medication and release form for me to sign allowing them to put her to sleep I whispered to Ginger something a blogger friend had left in the comments below. I told her that I would see her at The Rainbow Bridge as I held her and cried.
The Doctor came back into the room and explained what would happen. The first shot she would give Ginger would put her to sleep and the second one would stop her heart and brain. As I held her I know that Ginger knew I loved her and was doing what was best for her. She passed on quickly while I sat there holding her and petting her.
The Doctor ask if I wanted a few minutes alone which I said yes. When she stepped out of the room I cried as I once again told Ginger I would see her at The Rainbow Bridge and at the same time was telling how sorry I was that I had to let her go and have her put to sleep. I opened the door and the Doctor came back in and took her from me. I informed her when ask that I did want her carry cage back. After it was brought in I went to the front desk to settle my bill. There was a nineteen dollar credit due me and they gave me a receipt and said they would mail me a check.
Still in a daze I took the cage to my van, put it in and sat there for about ten minutes before leaving. I stopped at our regular Vet's office to let them know about Ginger and pull her medical records to be stored since Ginger was no longer with me. Then I came home. The rest is now history.
I want to again thank all of you who were supportive of Ginger over the past couple years. Your kindness, thoughtfulness and words of hope and prayer were and always will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you all and ...
God Bless you.
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